Tesla Model S

The Deep Backwoods of the Republican State of NC

Tesla Model SSo, to support free market capitalism, the Republicans in the state of North Carolina are working a bill through the state that bans the purchase of the Tesla Model S.

The car is wildly popular out here. I’m reading it’s a sensation on the east coast as well.

Tesla is the only auto maker that has repaid every dime of their loan from the feds, and paid it off in full with interest, 9 years early!

The Tesla doesn’t have any emissions at all, none, zero, zip. A friend that has one refers to it as his rocket ship (and yes, he drives like a bat out of hell) because it accelerates faster than probably any car on the road and probably has the lowest center of gravity of any car on the road, meaning it handles extremely well. Consumer Reports claims it might be the best car of all time*, ever! Additionally, it’s gorgeous!

But Republicans want to support the free market and prevent North Carolinians from buying the car of their choice. Oh, wait! That’s exactly the opposite of the free market they froth and foam about when it suits their narrow agenda. The politicians claim they must protect consumers because, like many companies in this country, Tesla direct sells to the customer! Huh?! Exactly how does cutting out all of the middle men (especially some of the sleazy car sales people I’ve dealt with over the years: oh, you want an engine? That’s an upgrade…) hurt the consumer?

Perhaps these nut jobs should require every state resident drive a Hummer, go hunting with assault rifles, go fishing with dynamite, and marry their first cousins** — unless they’re gay, of course.

* “Best car we have ever tested… 99 out of 100.” Source
** Yes, it’s legal in NC to marry your first cousin! Good god!