Rapture Failure Notification

No, That Was NOT Awkward!

Awkward? Really??

That Was Awkward Sign about The Rapture That Wasn't

Harold Camping didn’t create an awkward situation for religion.  In my humble opinion, he simply peeled back the thin vail of chicanery that masquerades as many so-called faith-based initiatives, as what some refer to as evangelism, which is nothing but highly lucrative tax-free business enterprise.

His Judgement Day bus traversed the country sounding the last call.  And, according to CNN, his Family Radio organization raked in a whopping $80,000,000 in contributions from 2005 through 2009.  (Read the article here.)  I had no idea until today that he was blaming the impending armageddon-that-wasn’t on all of the godless gay people–more bullying for God!

I am sick of people profiting from hate, fear, and warfare:  Code Orange!  When will people get past all the superstitions about all of the invisible boogiemen and learn to deal with reality in healthy, productive ways?! Damn!

No, this wasn’t awkward.  This was snake oil sales.  This was trickery.  This was theft by taking.  This was a wacko given the public microphone, a buffoon, another court jester like George W. Bush demanding the masses cower to the crackling of his tyrannical whip of fear.

At first I thought he was very entertaining.  I mean, I even live-Tweeted the rapture on Twitter:

  • I’m live tweeting my #Rapture.
  • I’m in the central time zone at the moment.  #Rapture 5 minutes left.
  • I’m in the central time zone at the moment.  #Rapture 4 minutes left.
  • I’m in the central time zone at the moment.  #Rapture 3 minutes left.
  • I’m in the central time zone at the moment.  #Rapture 2 minutes left.
  • I’m in the central time zone at the moment.  #Rapture I’m outta here in 1 minute.
  • Well, damn.  Maybe it’s based on the time zone of your permanent residence?  I have 2 hours to go!”

I called up mom so she could say goodbye before joining the celestial nudist colony.

On Sunday I added this as my response to emails received after the the rapture-that-wasn’t:

We’re sorry to inform you that Tim Tyson departed this world yesterday at 6:00pm for the rapture. This courtesy email notification is a post-rapture service provided by our company. We will also continue to feed Conrad the Kat for Tim until he is adopted by a pagan with suitable values as endorsed by Tim when he signed up for our post-rapture premium service plan. If you feel you may be a suitable candidate for adopting Conrad the Kat, or feel you may know someone who is, please free to respond to this email at your earliest convenience. Adopting Conrad would honor Tim’s memory and kindness while he was on our planet.

Best luck to you during Armageddon.

The Post-Rapture Premium Service Plan Team

PS We also provide Armageddon security services. Contact us for additional information.”

There were some hysterical comments from my Facebook friends.  From Donna:

I think Steve [her husband] is getting us ready for being left behind later today…there are 85 total pounds of scoopable cat litter in our garage.

Steve’s Comment back: Scoopable cat litter also makes a fine Post-Apocalyptic Hot Cereal.

Another Comment: Please God don’t let me find out about the kitty liter cereal. I thought Grape Nuts were bad.

Another Facebook post included this picture:

Rapture Failure Notification

Yes, it was all funny until I realized the some people had emptied out their life savings in some desperate need to escape the reality of their lives, that Harold Camping’s lying and deceitful rants were the tipping point in some psychotic break with reality for too many people.

No, this wasn’t some awkward mistake.  Taking advantage of the vulnerable never is.

This was sheer evil–the very thing God loathes!

This should disgust the nation and the civil law suits should bankrupt Harold and his little business enterprise.

3 thoughts on “No, That Was NOT Awkward!”

  1. Yeah, I know . . . I got passed over too! I don’t even know anybody that made it. Of course, they wouldn’t be able to tell me. Still, I am not aware of anybody missing yet and I LIVE IN GEORGIA.

  2. History keeps upsetting the beauty. When in callow youth through my reading I discovered WWI was a sausage machine blending the guts of one side singing the C of E verses to Royal Oak and the other with Got Mit Uns on their belt buckles into manure for Belgian farms I suspected religion was a pretty well compromised creature. Still I spent my tour in SEA, but that was to prove something to myself.

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