Cute

I normally don't like emails that are circulated, but this one, from my FC was cute.

• We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
• I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
• If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
• I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
• A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
• Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
• I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
• Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
• You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive again.
• Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
• I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
• There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
• When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
• To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.